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1:06 a.m. - Friday, Feb. 21, 2003 well anyway. today was interesting i guess. i woke up at 10 or 11. i looked at the clock but i don't remember where the little hand was. haha. yeah audra called me and we talked for a long time, up until i took a shower. then i called her back and then we talked until i was dressed and left to go to her house. we sat around and talked. listened to music and i danced in her living room. =D i find that so entertaining. when we were online i made my plans for today, i'm picking up nick at 3:30 in waterville, meeting rich in portland at 5:15 or so, then going to the show asap. i haven't gone to a show in a while and i have new *friends*... i'm not sure if i want to call them that, but i guess i can right now. it's not hurting anyone. but yeah, back to my day, after we made the dough for bread we went shopping and i was looking for dickies. i don't know why i want a pair of them, but i do. i couldn't find any so then we went downtown hallowell to walk. we haven't done that in a long time, not since like august or september. and it was warm enough to allow it. in paperknick we were followed by the lady, i guess she was concerned about use stealing something. haha. i didn't steal anything from there. i respect small stores. now walmart... thats another story... haha. speaking of the devil, after our little stroll in hallowell, we went to walmart. there were four cop cars with the blue lights calling for attention. four cop cars and only one suv. i wonder... oh well. we went to walmart and i looked for a head band. i really want a headband. so i got one. after that we went back to audras, she made me dinner and finished with the bread. it was really good for varmacelli and breadsticks. even if she did have the meatflavored sauce. haha. what the fuck is that anyway. meat flavored... do they put cow in a blender and add it to the sauce? i could understand meat balls... eww. that sounds yucky too. haha. but yeah. then audra and her mother had a little fight, and i sat with her in her room as she cried. its so odd seeing audra cry. its usually me. i just sat there and hugged her and then made her laugh by acting like a dumbass. whatever works right? i know its only temporary but that better than no smile. her boyfriend is an asshole, her parents don't care, and there is probably more that i don't know about... but all i can do is be around when she needs me. and right now, she is in my bed, sleeping on my pillow. and i am tired damn it. but alas, i don't feel like waking her up to reclaim my sleeping area. sleep isn't really that big of an issue lately... for a while i was scared i was becoming an insomniac. but no, i got to sleep. good thing too. *sigh* my mom says i worry about my friends problems too much, and not enough on mine. i think there is a reason for that, working out others problems gives me an escape from what i have to deal with. no, i don't have a horrible life, but like everyone else i have my ups and downs. just lately its been rather down. seriously, how many tears does one person have? now im listening to a closing skyline and my mood is still okay. infact i could smile and it wouldn't be fake. so today was good for the most part, the only downside being my best friends tears. but hey! keep it posi... band practice will be good hopefully, and the hot club sleepover is tonight. yeah, that will be funny hopefully. my mom still is debating on whether she wants boys here overnight. but its nick and rich, come on! i could see a reason to worry if i had an interest in one of them, but i like ryan. but oh well, she's just being a mother. which isn't bad, by no means, but sometimes shes a bit silly. like that whole meet ryan's parents. *rolls eyes* what was she thinking? the world caters to her? haha. that sounds like something that she has said to me. "me me me, thats all you ever think about. lately its 'what i want, how can this benefit me..' well guess what, the world doesn't revolve around you..." hmmm. thats odd, the last time i checked, things that relate to me, which are the only things i obviously care about do revolve around me. duh. haha. yeah, that was a tad bit childish, but i'm not in the mood to dive deeper. oh!! i'm getting a tattoo. i'm so badass. my mom wont let me get my labret done, but i can get a tattoo. haha. whatever. either way. i know where it's going, but i don't know what of. i want a star, but according to kyle "everyone gets stars" which is true. but! i like stars, and i want something simple and cheap. i have to pay for the bitch myself. i have 30, but i'm going to the show tomorrow, so there goes some of it. and i'm getting paid next week so i'll have another hundred, plus whatever is in the bank. i think i have it covered. and finally, what i am thinking about right now, moving out. i think i will start art school in portland, just so i am away from home but close enough to run back to mommy if things don't work out. i want to live with audra, but she and sarah have been getting really close and making plans. like road trips and whatnot... and i don't exactly see myself in this beautiful picture they have painted with eyeliner and lipgloss. so if i were to move out, there is a REALLY good chance i would have to find a roommate or live by myself (which i certainly wouldn't mind), but its just the whole, we were going to be roommates since 6th grade thing. but i have a year. more than a year. no need to rush, but i'm not being overly worried in thinking about it, right? thats all i have been thinking on pretty much everything, no need to rush, but it doesn't hurt to think about it. ok i'm done.
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