11:09 p.m. - Tuesday, Feb. 04, 2003
god fucking shit damn it
fuck. i just read three of chads entries. and yeah, they are about me. i hate when this happens. yeah, i am starting to like ryan. yeah, i still like nick. but me and nick are just that, me and nick. we are so close that its perfect and anything would ruin things. (thanks for the enlightening speel poopoopants...)

me and nick are best friends, up there with me and audra. and i know its audra and i but proper english isn't necessary.

me and ryan are two people have known eachother for four days. four fucking days. yeah i like to talk to him, and i definitely wouldn't mind getting to know him beter, but it's not like we are anything yet. i am hanging out with him tomorrow, though. which makes me happy. to think that someone likes me and isn't scared to say things is incredible.

but, i heard somethings about him. and i didn't want to leave that question unanswered, the question being, "are you in it for that...?" and i'm just to honest i guess. i don't always think... im not the smartest i guess. i suck at this game. but i don't want to get hurt. but i don't want to lose chad as a friend either. god fucking damn it. im supposed to be happy right now. not crying over a diary entry, or three rather. and nicks speel made me cry too... and i need sleep but i can't.

im unsure. i just met chad and ryan. and im sure i sound like some sort of whore. but i don't know either of them. and i shouldn't have said anything that was said yesturday.

im such an asshole. and i wonder why no one likes me for long... im incapable of being , i don't know.

FUCK! that's all it comes down to. and fuck.

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